I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
