Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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