I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
