This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
