She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
