Just cropdusted the office
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
vagina is talking i cant
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
