So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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