We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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