The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize