Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
