I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize