just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
