Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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