Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
