Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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