Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
