I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize