apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
