you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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