I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize