Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
