Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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