singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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