My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
