On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
