The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
