Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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