Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
