He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
