so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize