Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
