When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
