oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
