I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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