It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i love accidental penises.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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