She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
