so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
