Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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