and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
