shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
