thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
