8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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