I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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