I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize