upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
