all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
