At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
