I feel like abortions should bother me more
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
