sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
