dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
