i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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