I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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