I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
