God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
