Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
