idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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