i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
