Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
