Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
