I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
