i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She said her name was "party"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize