Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
