My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
