i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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