He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
