I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
